Feeling blue? It’s time to revisit your childhood passions
I stood on a stage, peering at the theatre before me. It was empty, save three chairs in the middle of Row G. No one outside of my family had heard me sing in over two decades, and yet, here I was, about to belt out my best Pat Benetar, complete with choreographed dramatic hand gestures in front of these complete strangers.
The accompanist began to play, and right before I pretty much blacked out, I had the split-second awareness of a "how did I get here?" moment. The series of decisions that got me up on that stage to audition, at age 39, for a community theatre production of one of my all-time favourite Broadway musicals were varied and multi-layered. But, if I thought about it and began to strip everything back to one core reason, it was pretty simple: I thought it would be fun.
As a child, I loved playing pretend, writing stories, and acting out different movie scenes. I got tertiary parts in a handful of school plays. Still, my many clichéd, hairbrush-in-front-of-the-mirror performances fostered most of my drama expertise. After school, I'd spend hours in a faux-forlorn state, acting out Alanis Morrisette songs as one-act sagas. Other days, Les Mis and Rent fought for their turn in the rotation.
Whatever happened to play?
Fun. Play. Our childhood passions. What becomes of them as time passes? They don't vanish as the clock turns midnight on our 18th year. We choose, willingly or not, to box them up and put them away.
Ultimately, if we're having an honest conversation here, we do get to decide. We choose whether to leave them tamped down under the latest fall blazers, baubled manicures, and face serums, or to stoke the fire and allow them to resurface, morphing and showing us what else they can turn into as we evolve.
A recent study of 2,000 British adults shows just how much we miss those sugary cereals and endless afternoons. More than half of those polled admitted losing their "sense of fun." So, what's happened to us? Why don't we play? Other than the obvious "it's just not something grown-ups do," there are many plausible reasons. Maybe we feel we don't deserve it anymore. Maybe we recognize that there's too much heavy in the world to play. Maybe we've simply forgotten how.
It's not all fun and games…
Despite all the excuses we can find not to play, there are many proven benefits to busting out our childhood fun. Our ability to connect to our childhood interests can help us discover our true nature. Curiosity brings about an excavation process that can ultimately lead to healing or, at the very least, a greater understanding of our core selves. British pediatrician and psychoanalyst D.W. Winnicott once famously said, "It is in playing and only in playing that the individual child or adult is able to be creative and to use the whole personality, and it is only in being creative the individual discovers the self." This is a fancy way of saying that playing (not an online personality quiz) can best help you find out who you really are.
Not surprisingly, play helps us cope with mental health issues and stress. In addition to releasing those feel-good endorphins, play also helps improve brain function, stimulates the mind, boosts creativity and improves our relationships and connections with others. As George Bernard Shaw once said, "We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing."
Given the positive connection between play and mental health, play-based therapy for adults is one viable outlet for exploring your playful side in a structured setting and brings with it some therapeutic benefits. Laura Martorano-Boring over on ThePlayTherapist.com reminds us that "it's no secret that play fosters numerous adaptive behaviours such as creativity, role rehearsal, and mind/body integration. Play also increases self-esteem and decreases stress."
In addition to play-based therapy, psychodrama's popularity is increasing. Psychodrama is a form of group therapy where the various participants reenact a specific event from one participant's life. While not directly rooted in the "fun and games" category, psychodrama is a path toward bringing childhood dreams and character acting to the forefront. It may even lead to some deep healing work.
And, if you're less interested in the "exploring your inner child" bits and want to jump straight to the s'mores, adult summer camps have been cropping up throughout Canada and the United States. You can pick your adventure from band camp to space camp to a throwback in the great outdoors. Archery and horseback riding meet cocktails and hot tubs. Luxe camp options are available for those looking to seriously upgrade their prior cabin bunking experiences.
The options are out there: Adult-size sandboxes, high drama to heal past trauma, and capture the flag are all within our reach. In many ways, the question ultimately boils down to one thing: Are we willing to find unadulterated glee as adults?
A Quick Disclaimer for Parents:
It can be tempting for parents to claim they play all the time. Being forced to begrudgingly fashion a magic wand out of a stick and slink around an empty playground for the fifth time in one week is not what we're going for here. Yes, you're playing, but you're also playing the "I'm a good parent" game. What we're talking about here is about play, for play's sake. Of course, keep playing with your kids. But, also find your own joy. Connect to what play means for you.
Find your happy place
If all the feels are creeping in when it comes to reviving childhood passions and bringing back play, look no further. I spoke to a few legitimately "grown-up" women to get their input on how they incorporate their childhood fun, passions, and play into their busy lives. Here are a few approaches you can explore to get you started.
Mine the archives. Make a list of things you enjoyed as a child. See what passion you want to revive. For me, it was hairbrush karaoke. Mikkel L., 35, from California, shared, "My husband and I have stuffed animals. His is an owl, and mine is a penguin. We have fun bringing them to life." Board games, jumping jacks, and dress-up shouldn't simply be relegated to the 10 and under set. Returning to the original objects, activities and environments that gave us the "warm and fuzzies" as kids can be an easy but powerful way to unlock our creativity and imagination. They may take on an upgrade. For example, a childhood love of doodling may become a freelance graphic design gig. But, sometimes, an owl is just an owl.
Forget the "point." Once adulthood hits, we've developed a deep-seated belief that the only things worth doing are the ones with a tangible outcome. What happened to the days of "just because"? Anabell B., 42, based in Switzerland, enjoyed outdoor exploration as a child. Now, she loves taking walks in the woods and touching every leaf and tree she passes. She also throws on her boots at the first sign of rain to jump in the puddles. (Unsurprisingly, she'll soon be co-facilitating a retreat about play.) But why would you go jump in a puddle? What's the point? That question quickly becomes irrelevant to those who prioritize play. Doing the thing simply is the point.
Take on a child's mindset. The boring task ahead of you? Ask yourself, what would a child do? Jennifer L., 41, living in the U.K., loves seeking happiness in little moments, as many of us did when we were small. "When I go for walks or hikes, I'm extremely slow because I'm constantly stopping and looking at a leaf, a flower, or an ant. Some people find that annoying, but I don't care; we can find so much joy and happiness in the tiny things." She continued, "I like to skip, too; it's a surprisingly joyful and quick way of getting around." A judging eye? Who cares? Adopt the approach of most kiddos and keep on skipping. Look, there's another ladybug!
Learn from the experts. If you're having trouble reconnecting with your own childhood joys? For more direct inspo, go to the source: the kids in your life. "Playing with my nephews, I have rediscovered some small pleasures, like playing with soap bubbles," said Reme M, 45, from Malaga. And you don't need to go all out. "Take baby steps…something that doesn't involve much time or much effort but that will bring you back the joy," she advises.
As I uncovered these stories from badass women exploring childhood dreams and passions, I saw a common thread. It was all about embracing fear and doubt. It's fascinating how many things that were fun for us as kids spark fear in us now. I don't mean the hide-under-the-bed-shaking-in-terror kind of fear. I mean the fear that comes from the voice of your inner critic and its nasty cousin, imposter syndrome. It's the fear of "what will other people think if I…?" and the fear of "failure." I mean, being awful at drawing at six years old is one thing, but what does it say about me to be awful at drawing at forty-six? Better to crumple up the page and not even try. Too vulnerable. Once we accept that one of the biggest things holding us back from fun is fear, it changes the game.
Getting on the stage a few weeks ago did fill me with a bit of panic. But the whole experience also filled me with something else: It was hours of practicing the same lines over and over, gushing with a friend who was convinced I'd get the part, creating my choreography, and perfecting one single note at a time. I couldn't recall the last time I'd been so present, done something so pure.
Then came the spark of a memory: me with a hairbrush, belting out to my reflection. It was the reminder of childlike wonder and presence, a totally-in-the-moment feeling. It felt like closing my eyes and blowing on a dandelion with a true wish, like laying in the grass on a perfect summer day, looking up at the clouds with nowhere to be. Like riding a new bike down a hill, feet kicked off the pedals, hands hovering the bars, wind whipping my face, heart pounding, and a laugh caught in my throat.
It felt just like me.
Kim Marsh is a freelance writer, book coach and editor.