Why Lower Income Families Report More Parental Satisfaction
If money could buy happiness, I would run and buy some me-time.
…time to treat myself to a leisurely day sitting at a coffee shop uninterrupted.
…time to go take a yin yoga class without fighting my mind with my neverending to-do list.
…time to go shopping for a well-fitting bra for my deflated breasts post-kids.
Of course, these will provide much-needed temporary relief for a perpetually tired mama. Still, according to one study, money isn't a direct path to happiness when it comes to parenthood.
In this study, lower-income parents were more likely to find parenting enjoyable and rewarding than mid- to upper-income parents. While lower-income parents worry more about their kids' safety, they also find more joy in their parenting journey.
Glory Mulera, a Registered Clinical Counselor from Vancouver, Canada, says there are many reasons why the study participants may have reported a higher level of satisfaction, but one thing is for sure—the joy and reward in parenting are in the parenting itself.
Mulera pointed out that for some lower-income parents, coming home may be the best part of their day. Those in the lower-income bracket may be working long hours or multiple jobs, and their jobs are not something they're necessarily passionate about, making those moments they get with their little ones that much more special.
"It's really about being intentional. It's about cherishing the time with the kids. Carving in more one-on-one time for deeper connections."
I've read tips like 'spend 9 minutes playing with your kid one-on-one each day'. And while I value this advice, I haven't always been able to practice it in real life. After all, you have to stay on track with all the schedules.
One of the challenges of parenthood, no matter the income bracket, is that the day-to-day routines with kids can be so transactional. It's always hurry up, get ready, see you later, go wash your hands, stop jumping around, time for dinner, time for your bath… Often in a tired, impatient tone I'm not so happy with later on. (Further adding to mom guilt)
"You don't have to be a manager all the time just checking in, moving from one activity to another," Mulera says.
The study also highlighted that over 40 percent of lower-income parents say being a parent is the most important aspect of their identity. Comparably, 27 percent of middle-income parents shared this sentiment, and only 22 percent when it came to upper-income parents.
Let's sit with this fact.
If I'm constantly trying to 'hack' my life to find ways to offload my kids, maybe it's time I take a different approach. After all, my own mental well-being can directly affect my children's mental well-being.
"If we just look at biological pre-disposition, it can impact the child's mental health. The health of the mother can impact the child's development directly," says Mulera.
She has some tips for parents who want to increase their happiness level.
Look into other cultures and their parenting practices. What can you learn from them?
If you're feeling afraid, overwhelmed, or isolated, look for resources and support in your community.
Grow your network and find a new social group by meeting other parents in a similar chapter of their lives.
So here's a challenge for myself and you, the reader - what if we dropped everything we think needs to be done this weekend and focused solely on being truly present with our children?
Leave the dishes in the sink and the laundry unfolded. So what if we step on some Lego. Even if we tidy up, the mess will build up again.
What might change in our lives if we gave our children not just our time but our full attention?
After all, we're their world.