12 Rules for Travelling With Your Parents as an Adult
Family vacations often bring back memories of screaming with your siblings in the backseat of a packed minivan, waiting in long lines at amusement parks, or convincing grandma that, yes, mom always lets you have dessert before dinner.
But how do these family vacations change as we age out of car seats and instead take our own turn behind the wheel?
For some families, the trips stop altogether. Suddenly, everyone is busy with school, work, and raising children of their own. For other families, the trips continue, but they can feel a lot more complicated and stressful now that we kids have become adults.
While traveling with your parents as an adult can be absolutely exhausting, I couldn't recommend it more. These trips have allowed me to make some of the best memories with my parents.
From eating fresh seafood in Montenegro with my mom and museum-hopping in Paris with my dad to exploring Napa wineries with my mother-in-law and seeing the Grand Canyon with my stepmom and siblings, I feel so grateful for all of the adventures I've been able to have with my parents, connecting adult to adult in bucket list destinations.
If the idea of vacationing with your parents (or, god forbid, your in-laws) sounds far from wonderful, read on for my 12 rules to ensure both you and your parents not only survive your next trip together but enjoy it so much that you'll want to start planning another one!
1. Get everyone's input during the planning stage
A successful trip with your parents starts long before you're in line at airport security. During the planning stages, get everyone's input so it's a trip you can all look forward to.
When we planned a trip to Europe with my husband, my mother, and my mother-in-law, we asked where everyone wanted to go. My mother-in-law wanted to sit sip wine on a terrace in Italy, overlooking the ocean, so we hit Cinque Terre to do just that!
2. Set expectations so everyone knows what kind of trip this will be
Is this trip with your parents at an all-inclusive resort, or will you change budget hotels every few days? Will you be mainly enjoying street food or fine dining? Are you joining bus tours or DIY-ing it?
Before you go, set crystal clear expectations about what kind of trip this will be. If your parents are less well-traveled or this trip is outside their comfort zone, managing their expectations as much as possible will be crucial.
3. Build excitement and ease anxieties before you go
If this is a new destination for your parents, they may have some questions. Even if it's not, they'll likely still want your opinion on their packing list or how early they should get to the airport (minus two hours, Dad!).
Take a deep breath and patiently walk them through whatever comes up. Remember, as painful as it may be to have to explain an eSIM to your technophobe parent, it's all in service of having a great trip together.
If they're particularly anxious, you may want to get them a guidebook or have them chat with a friend or family member who has been on a similar trip.
This is also a great time to trade their worries for excitement. Help them download Duolingo so they can learn some local phrases, buy them a novel set in the country you're travelling to, or put on a movie or TV show based in that country the next time they come over.
4. Plan for a slower pace of travel
With your parents in tow, plan to take things slow. A slower pace usually means putting fewer things on the itinerary. It is helpful to only have one or two big items on the daily agenda - anything extra is a bonus.
You may also need to adjust your travel style. If you usually walk or bike everywhere, consider adding a few subway or Uber rides. If you typically sleep in but your parents are early risers, try to move your schedule up.
5. Carve out (much needed!) alone time
Just because you're travelling with your parents doesn't mean you need to spend every single second of your vacation together. You will all need a break from each other.
Look for small daily moments to get away and recharge your batteries. Get up early and enjoy a solo coffee date, go for a neighbourhood stroll, or hit the hotel gym.
Remember to take advantage of your parents' schedule! If they're in bed by 8:00 p.m., that means you have your evenings free.
If you're worried your parents will struggle to respect your alone time, bring it up ahead of the trip so they're not offended when you say adios. You can even schedule it into your itinerary, such as booking spa appointments where you'll be in separate treatment rooms.
6. But also: carve out one-on-one time with each parent
When was the last time you had a meal with just one of your parents and no other family members? If you grew up with a large family of siblings and parents who are still married, the answer may be never.
When I travelled with my dad to Amsterdam and Paris, my favourite part of the trip was our one-on-one time. I loved sitting across from him at a cafe or restaurant and chatting like two adults, with no other distractions or family members around.
7. Divide & conquer travel tasks with your partner or siblings
You don't have to shoulder everything yourself if other people are around to help "manage" your mom and dad.
When my husband and I travelled Europe with our moms, train stations were often hectic. We would navigate a new station in a foreign language, trying to find tickets and our track while our moms asked a million questions.
Eventually, we realized it was better for one of us to go buy tickets and figure out where we needed to go while the other stayed with our moms and the luggage. That way, no one would lose their cool, and we would all get on the right train on time!
8. Let go of control
It's okay if things don't go perfectly to plan. It's not the end of the world if you miss a train, book a crappy hotel, or get rained out on your hike. It's even okay if you argue with your travel companions; trips can bring out everyone's feisty side.
It's also okay if a new adventure that wasn't on the original itinerary pops up. While on a trip to Arizona with my parents and siblings, we skipped a National Park to browse a flea market, walk through some abandoned hotels, and eat the best fried chicken I've ever had. It was absolutely worth it.
So let go of control, leave room for spontaneity and accept that something likely will go wrong (and there's not much you can do about it!).
9. Embrace your parents' bucket list
This is your parents' trip too! They're allowed to enjoy themselves and splurge on things you wouldn't be caught dead doing. Open yourself up to the possibility that your parents may just be onto something.
While in Salzburg, my MIL asked if we could go on a Sound of Music bus tour. I grimaced. No way did I want to spend all day on an overpriced bus with a bunch of old people singing about raindrops on roses.
But we decided to give it a chance, and you know what? I kind of loved it!
Yes, it was cheesy. Yes, my husband and I were the youngest people on the bus. And yes, we were forced to sing along loudly to Do Re Mi. But it was also a blast! We saw some beautiful sites around Salzburg that we would never have seen otherwise. Plus, it put the biggest smile on my mother-in-law's face.
10. Pack your patience
Let's face it: your parents are likely not as well-traveled or tech-savvy as you. They will probably have a lot of questions, like why locals are doing something the way that they are or where the nearest bathroom is.
They may walk way slower than you're used to, lose that ticket you told them to hold onto or almost get scammed by a well-known tourist trap.
At times, travelling with your parents can feel like herding cats. It can be exasperating, and you may wonder how you'll survive it. But take some deep breaths. You've got this!
11. Remember why you're doing this
As challenging as a trip may be, I find every added stress or annoyance of travelling with my parents pales in comparison to everything we get out of it.
I love the opportunity to share travel - something I'm so passionate about - with my parents. Watching their faces light up as we see the Grand Canyon or Eiffel Tower for the first time is priceless.
I love creating memories together. After each trip, I gift my parents a photo book so we can relive our favourite memories. Years later, my parents and siblings still reach for their photo books and tell stories from our trips.
And I really love the opportunity for my parents and me to get to know each other as adults. I moved across the country at 18 for school and never really came back home. Every time we travel together, I get to share my life with my parents and get a peek into theirs.
12. Start planning the next trip with your parents!
Hopefully, you and your parents have made it home in one piece. Sure, you ran into some obstacles, but you also had some incredible moments together. Lessons were learned, and, fingers crossed, the good far outweighed the bad.
All that's left to do now is to start planning your next trip together!
For me, that looks like a trip to Japan in fall 2024, where we'll celebrate my mom's 65th birthday and my mother-in-law's retirement over many plates of fresh sushi!
Riana Ang-Canning is a content and copywriter based in Vancouver, Canada who is always planning her next trip.