You’re a Houseplant. Get over it.
It's 2024, so I know you know self-care is essential.
I also know you know self-care is more than it seems on the surface. It's not just candles, bubble baths, and shopping sprees. It sometimes (always) requires you to do the hard things alongside the fun things.
You know self-care is about, well, taking care of yourself. It's about feeding and hydrating yourself, being in the right environment, and getting some sun on your skin.
Kinda like taking care of a houseplant.
And this is really good news. It makes self-care a lot simpler.
On self-care and doing too much
I have a semi-consistent journaling routine that, yes, helps my mental health, but also convinces me to buy a new journal every few months. I also like little afternoon treats, binge-listening to personal development podcasts, and last-minute flights.
And you have your things.
You might self-care via brunch with the girls, rotting in your bed, going for a facial, splurging on another matching gym set, deleting Bumble again, investing in a coaching program, weekend getaways, changing your hairstyle, fancy date nights, attending a conference, signing up for Skillshare to pretend you have hobbies, actually doing your hobbies, etc.
These are good things, maybe important things.
But when you're so burnt out that you break down when the WiFi cuts out, you don't need to implement a new journaling protocol.
When you're fatigued and struggling to stay awake during a meeting, you don't need to add more events to your social calendar.
And when you're struggling to make nutritious meals for yourself, keep the house tidy, and get some daily movement in, you don't need to join a career mastermind program.
Care for yourself like a plant
We get too fancy with self-care when we need to go back to the basics. This is especially true in times of burnout, stress, or anxiety.
This was never more obvious to me than a few weeks ago.
I had a Decision to make. The Decision was not that important but had been hanging over my head for weeks. I was ruminating on it, researching the heck out of it, and preoccupied with a million "what ifs?"
The Decision and my indecision were ruining my life. Then, someone much wiser than I said, "I think you're just overwhelmed and have decision fatigue. Focus on something else and come back to it later."
So, I did. I went for a walk in the sun with my friend. And when I returned home, I sat down and simply made The Decision—no muss, no fuss.
It turned out that all I needed to do was meet some basic needs—movement, connection, nature—to reduce the overwhelm and move forward with a decision.
And that's true self-care.
Luckily, our man Maslow broke this all down for us, complete with a diagram and all:
Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a psychological theory that states human needs are arranged in a hierarchy; you must meet lower-level needs before reaching the higher ones. You have to accomplish the basics—food, water, rest, movement, environment, sunshine, connection, etc.—before focusing on anything else.
This offers a powerful tool for self-care analysis.
It explains why that new journal, spa day, or vacation doesn't "cure" stress and burnout. These things are often done at the expense of your primary, basic needs.
We often focus on the top of the pyramid—the sexy esteem and self-actualization things like vacations and courses and expensive hobbies—instead of the plates of home-cooked food, sips of water, and walks outside that our bodies and nervous systems actually require.
That's why we need a self-care overhaul and treat ourselves like the complex houseplants we are. When you are feeling dysregulated in any way, review:
Have I eaten today?
Am I hydrated? (Or is that water bottle just for decoration?)
Was joyful movement a priority for me?
Did I only talk to myself today?
Try making your own list.
This is not about removing self-care things and giving up your brunches, coaching sessions, and home decor splurges—no ma'am, not for one second.
It's about ordering your needs and addressing the most basic ones first.
You can do this on a micro and a macro level.
1. Micro-level self-care: Regular check-ins throughout the day to assess how you're feeling on a basic, bodily level. Respond appropriately and give yourself the food, water, sleep, sun, and connection you need. Set reminders on your phone if you need to—there's no shame in drinking water on a schedule.
2. Macro-level self-care: Evaluate the season you're in. Maybe it's time to slide right on down that pyramid and re-focus on the basics of self-care. Be honest with yourself and consider what you need to prioritize in this life season. Call it cocooning or hibernating or something else—a time when you focus on fundamentally caring for yourself. (Note that this can and should include the support of other people—friends, family, and mental health professionals—if you're in an extended season of burnout or anxiety. Don't go at it alone).
I had to re-pot one of my favourite plants recently—she's a monstera deliciosa, and she's beautiful. But she wasn't thriving where she was, so I moved her to a new, bigger pot. Until she's happy there, I have to be extra vigilant about watering, sunlight, and generally checking how she's doing.
And maybe it's the same for you—you need some time to be hyper-vigilant about your basic needs so you can thrive and grow like you're meant to.
A small list of manageable to-dos
Psychologist Dr. Scot Eilers did a deep dive on this topic in his podcast episode, "Self Care is a Scam" (ouch) and he asks this question: "I want you to consider whether your pyramid is inverted—whether you're prioritizing wants, fun bonuses in life, the desserts of life. Are you putting those at the foundation?"
It's worth a look at, friend.
If this is resonating, I invite you to take these few steps:
Reflect and journal: Am I inverting this hierarchy of needs? Am I in a season where I need to get back to the basics of self-care?
Ask and ask again: What do I need right now to care for myself better?
And, of course, drink some water—I know your water bottle is right there.
Alyssa Wiens is a Vancouver-based freelance writer.