How much does it cost to be a woman?
$1542 per month.
That’s approximately how much I could *easily* spend in an month if I was really taking care of myself.
I’m sure it’s more for some and less for others, but let me lay the rough costs out for you:
IPL + Clear+Brilliant laser (avg for monthly): $500
Manicure + pedicure: $80
Teeth whitening: $50
Waxing: $150
Hair cut and colour: $250
Facial: $100
Massage: $150
Acupuncture: $175
Chiro: $100
Gym membership: $100
Pilates home workout video subscription: $20
Meditation app: $17
This doesn’t even include the cash I blow on the latest lotions and potions, vitamins or supplements. Many of these are averaged out for a monthly cost vs a treatment, so miss me with your qualms with my general pricing overview; the point is clear. It’s expensive.
Am I better for it? Am I more zen? Am I better citizen or more caring mother? In part, yes. I can’t deny that working out helps my mental health - that’s just science. There are a number of items on that list, however, that are much more debatable.
Why do we do these things? Why do we bother?
A few reasons. One, we enjoy them! Someone rubbing my face or body feels fantastic. Two, we either truly desire or are possible (probably) conditioned to believe we must appear a certain way in our environment. I wax my moustache because I’d prefer not to have one. I get lasers shot at the skin on my face to remove sun spots, because they make me look older.
Some of these may be general grooming preference. A girlfriend of mine always has her nails done because it makes her feel put together. I’ve begun to whiten my teeth because my mouth is huge and I think that I look really unattractive when my chompers are showing coffee stains. I can’t see them, but others can.
Why do any of us want to be attractive? That is a far more complicated topic for another day.
We spend an exorbitant amount of money “taking care of ourselves” while the systems that keep us feeling exhausted don’t change.
What systems? Listen, this isn’t a newsletter that is going to sit here and shout about capitalism, racism, or sexism (jk yes it is) but suffice it to say, life is hard and it isn’t letting up.
Anne Helen Petersen takes a much more thorough (and academic) approach in her examination of this topic, aptly titled The Tyranny of Faux Self-Care, including an interview with Dr. Pooja Lakshmin. Dr Lakshmin is calling out the BS term that is Self Care, and pointing out the products and ‘solutions’ that are marketed to (shocker) women as a solution to ‘women’s problems’. This point hit home:
“You can’t meditate your way out of a 40-hour work week with no childcare.”
She’s bang on. We can try, and we can make our To Do lists or our little star charts to track our progress toward a health or self care goal (yes I WILL meditate, no I WON’T drink) to try to feel better and manage our way through the chaos that is our daily lives.
For many, these well-intentioned attempts at Self Care have the opposite effect: the guilt associated with *not* doing them. If I don’t work out or meditate one day, am I really giving it my all? No, I’ve failed and I beat myself up. My mother flatly stated that the Apple watch notifications of others working out don’t motivate her at all. In fact, they just remind her of the workout she didn’t get to that day and that’s a bummer for her.
So, caveat emptor. It is important to take time for yourself, but let’s agree to do a quick check in on what’s actually having an impact vs. what we’re pretty conditioned to think is a woman’s problem that needs fixing.